I read recently in an article that if you did not learn to love yourself, you could not love others. The Scripture quoted in support of this is found in Matthew 19:19, "Thou shalt love thy neighbor as thyself." I have a problem with this statement and wonder if this Scripture is really teaching us that we should learn to love ourselves.
The Scripture quoted above does not teach us that we should learn to love ourselves. It is based upon the fact that we already do love ourselves. This love of ourselves is also mentioned in Ephesians 5:29 where we read, "For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourisheth and cherisheth it." We usually make sure to the best of our abilities and resources that we take good care of ourselves. The food, shelter, clothing and other comforts which we labor to surround ourselves with express this love of ourselves. And the Lord Jesus is not necessarily saying that this love in itself is wrong. He is saying that if we would love our neighbor in the right way, then our neighbor's needs will become as important to us as our own needs.
I believe that some of those who teach that you need to love yourself before you can love others are actually talking about self-acceptance. If so, this acceptance of self is gained by seeing how God has accepted the believer in Christ--"accepted in the Beloved" (Ephesians 1:6). So, the one who has trusted in Christ as his personal Lord and Saviour has been accepted--brought into a position of grace and favor in God's beloved Son. And the believer can say, "The love wherewith He loves the Son, such is His love to me." Surely, if Christ is the measure of my acceptance before God, I can then accept myself as I am and thank God for His grace and love to me.
The motivating power to love others comes, not from loving ourselves, but from the knowledge of God's love to us. "We love, because He first loved us" (1 John 4:19, NASV and JND). As we learn to know His love better through the daily reading of God's Word and prayer we will find that this love of Christ will become the controlling power in our life. It will enable us to live not unto ourselves, but unto Him who died for us and rose again. We will then not think of ourselves, but of others. God's own divine love will be shed abroad in our hearts by the Holy Spirit which is given unto us (Romans 5:5; 2 Corinthians 5:14,15). This love will express itself not only to our family, neighbors, and friends, but also to our enemies (Matthew 5:43,44). Under God's law, one was to love his neighbor as himself. Under God's grace, our love is to reach out to and embrace our enemies. The measure of our love should be God's own love to us.
