An intimate marriage is one in which the husband and wife are close to each other, not only physically but emotionally, socially and spiritually. It is a marriage where the husband and wife are best friends. They would say, "I would rather be with my partner than with anyone else."

An intimate marriage will truly complement the husband and bring real joy and satisfaction into every area of his life. The wife will also find fulfillment and satisfaction as she enjoys the close companionship of her husband. An intimate marriage glorifies the Lord Jesus. It is clear from the Bible that this is what God intended in the marriage relationship.

In Genesis 2:24 we read, "Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh." The literal meaning of the word, "cleave" is to join fast together, to glue, or cement. If you think of a husband and wife being glued together like two pieces of paper you get the idea of closeness and intimacy.

What happens if you try to separate two pieces of paper that are glued together? You tear both pieces. This is what takes place when a husband and wife get divorced or are separated— both are torn apart, both are hurt.

How important then that a husband and wife develop this intimacy in their marriage. When this intimacy is there, the wife will be closer to the husband than anyone else, except the Lord. She will be closer to him than his friends, his work, his hobbies, his children, his car or anything else. In the same way, the husband will be closer to the wife than her work (at home or elsewhere), her children, her friends, or anything else.

Intimacy has been described as "we " experiences—"we did this," "we did that." In some marriages this "we" relationship does not develop. The result is a parallel marriage. Each one goes his own way and does his own thing without regard for the desires, wishes or needs of the other

Listed below are five things that will help to build an intimate marriage.

1. The first thing that will help build an intimate marriage is to "keep yourselves in the love of God" (Jude 21). This means to keep yourselves in the consciousness of God's love. In order to do that, a husband and wife must keep a close relationship with the Lord Jesus Christ. This must be the number one priority in the marriage. A married couple needs to take time to read the Bible daily, both separately and together. This won't be easy. There are a lot of pressures on families today and everyone seems to be so busy. "But one thing is needful" and when married couples choose that good part, they will grow in the knowledge of the Lord Jesus and will learn to love the Lord more and more. And this knowledge of His love for them will lead them to allow His love to be demonstrated in their own love for one another. "We love, because He first loved us" (1 John 4:19).

2. The second thing that will help build an intimate marriage is, "speaking the truth in love" (Ephesians 4:15). Be willing to be open and accessible to share your life with your partner. This means sharing your feelings, fears, desires and thoughts. When partners share their feelings, it is important that the recipient does not criticize the sharer. Criticism effectually shuts off any further sharing of one's inner self. After listening to your partner share his or her feelings, you could say, "Thank you for sharing your feelings about… Now, I know why you want to…" When the truth has thus been spoken in a loving way, both partners are encouraged to grow in intimacy.

3. The third thing that will help build an intimate marriage is when a husband and wife seek to "edify one another" (1 Thessalonians 5:11). This means that we are to build up one another. In marriage each partner should strive to be an encourager and a good listener. Husband and wife need to focus on the positive qualities in each other rather than the faults of one another. Take time to talk with each other and to do some fun things together. A quiet walk together or an evening out can help to build and maintain that closeness in marriage. Never take each other for granted. Married couples need to tell each other often, "I love you" both in words and actions. Do not forget to be courteous and thankful in the everyday things of life. It is often in the small things that you can build up your partner.

4."Love seeketh not her own [things]" (1 Corinthians 13:3). Selfishness in marriage has often been the reason behind conflict and separation. True love—agape love-puts the needs of others first. If a husband is to put the needs of his wife first, then he must nourish and cherish her even as Christ does the church (Ephesians 5:29). Nourish has the thought of tender care in providing for the physical needs of a person. Clothing, food and shelter are included in this. Cherish means to "make warm." This would mean providing for a wife's emotional and spiritual needs. A wife needs to know that she is first in her husband's life.

The wife, too, must put her husband's needs first. As a helpmate she needs to show an interest in him and his work, giving her emotional and spiritual support in times of stress and difficulty. She is commanded to submit herself to her husband, to reverence him, and to desire the ornament of a meek and quiet spirit which in the sight of God is of great price (Ephesians 5:22-33; 1 Peter 3:1-6).

5. This brings us to the final piece that helps build an intimate marriage. Pray one for another (James 5:16). Build a prayer life together. If our lines of communication are open to God they will be open to each other. They cannot be honestly open to God and closed to our partner. It is good to remember that the great goal in marriage is to glorify the Lord Jesus. This requires the husband and wife to exercise complete openness and total intimacy of soul and spirit. This will not happen immediately. First, a husband and wife need to desire this for their marriage; secondly, they need to pray about it together; and, thirdly, they need to start working on it together. Little by little as they start to share with each other, they will begin to grow in Christian love and grace. Their home will reflect that love to their family and friends and the Lord Jesus will be glorified.

—John D. McNeil